Sonic Screwdriver #89 — 93
March — December 1995
Page 23 of Sonic was mainly taken by advertisements and the expiring-members list, so I decided to spice it up a bit by putting in some silly jokes, bits of wisdom, or appalling puns. I wrote the first one as a tribute to Muppet Babies, and others came from online or from fellow committee member Rod Scott.
And it came to pass that Baby Turlough met Baby Doctor. Baby Turlough had just tripped over his too-long tie (you realise he kept the same one all his life, of course). He looked up to see a ferocious cover drive coming at him. It slammed into his frame – the tie fortunately acted as padding, almost as effective as David Boon’s chest. The ball fell into his hand, and being thoroughly British, he appealed. Baby Doctor advanced on him, waving his plastic bat around his head menacingly. Baby Turlough blanched defensively. ‘But I wasn’t even Trion!’
BTW, it struck me that Benny has been in many books by now, yet very few of them feature her on the cover. And when they do, she is always in a rather menacing situation: threatened by a Hoothi (Love and War), threatened by a zombi (White Darkness), drawn VERY badly (Shadowmind), in a punk band (No Future), threatened by a vampire (Blood Harvest), attacked by killer plants (Falls the Shadow), falling out of an airship (Parasite). Whereas Ace mostly gets to stand around and show off her cleavage. Can’t we have a HAPPY picture of Benny for once?
’Unexpected’ (A Very Silly Prelude to The Chase)
Tinkering with the Space-Time Visualiser,
Suddenly the screen came to life.
To the Doctor’s horror, it showed Ian and Barbara
Captured by the Spanish Inquisition,
And being burnt at the stake.
’Oh no!’ exclaimed the Doctor.
’I never expected my companions
To end up as Cinders in Spain!’
Signed: The William Hartnell Apologists Society (aka Rod Scott)
The end to Happy Endings?
Bernice frowned. It took moments like this to remind her of how little she actually knew about the Doctor. Frankly, she had assumed that the Time Lord had no sexuality whatsoever. The subject was not only not discussed, but actively avoided; she had the impression there was a "no hanky panky discussion" rule in the TARDIS. Certainly the Doctor had never acted as though he had any kind of sex drive.
And yet, there he was.
In an English maiden.
Ooh, while I’m here, here’s the Terrance Dicks’ guide to ‘All you need to know about the characterisation of the new TARDIS crew’.
’Och, let’s go to Troxos 4,’ said the Doctor enigmatically.
’Sounds great,’ Benny replied sarcastically.
’Yeah, it does, doesn’t it?’ Chris said enthusiastically.
(This is the first of my new regular fiction features for DWM’s Very Brief Encounters.)
Here’s the list of the Doctor Who assorted tidbits available here:
→ How to Create a Costume
→ 1996 DWCV Cricket Day Report
→ The Black Box series of jokes
→ The Pit: what are the worst ever Doctor Who stories?
→ The Second DWCV Whodunnit Murder Mystery Play
→ The Third DWCV Whodunnit Murder Mystery Play
→ Or just head back to the Doctor Who Index
This page last updated by David J Richardson on Wed, 8 Jan 2003.